My Time in the Pit

October seems to be the month for all kinds of awareness. In our house, the most important is that it is Down Syndrome Awareness Month! We could not be more proud to promote love and acceptance for our sweet Evan, who is the joy of our life despite the many challenges he faces every single day!

But today I ran across another awareness day that I also could claim. October 15 is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Remembrance Day. The statistics say that one in four women have experienced a miscarriage, a still birth, or the loss of an infant. I fall into the first category. In 2005, I suffered a miscarriage.

I don't talk about it much anymore. Zachary became our miracle baby when God finally gave him to us in 2008, so the pain of that time was mostly erased by the absolutely astonishing way God brought us Zach. If I am being honest, losing our first baby was a time of deep, deep sorrow for me. I fell into one of the largest pits of despair that I have ever experienced.

Back in 2005, people …

The Rain Will Come

It's raining here in Pineville today. Finally. It seems we have been in this never ending summer where it's been hotter than the surface of the sun, and there hasn't been a drop of rain in sight. At last, there is a tropical storm nearby, and we are getting the rain we desperately need.

Last week, Stewart, Evan, and I had traveled to Houston for Evan's check up. Just north of Houston, we ran into a severe thunderstorm. Instead of freaking out as I usually would, I looked at Stewart and said, "I sort of forgot what one of these looked like!"

So when the clouds got dark here this afternoon, I just stared out the window and watched the storm roll in. It was a healing balm for me. Today has not been the best of days. This morning, it all just piled up and I burst into a puddle of tears. I really don't know why. None of it was that bad. It was just too much.

When the rain came today, it seemed as if my creative wheels started turning. I did sit and watch the r…

And God Knew

The book of Exodus opens with the ominous statement: "A new king, who did not know about Joseph, came to power in Egypt." (Exodus 1:8) Things take a downward turn for the people of God from that point. The new king, feeling threatened by the numbers of Israelites in Egypt, oppressed them with forced labor. However, even under these harsh conditions, the Israelites' numbers continue to grow. The king orders the Hebrew midwives to kill the male babies who are born to Hebrew women. But the midwives feared God and told the king that Hebrew women gave birth too quickly for them to do so.

The second chapter introduces us to the man who will eventually save the Hebrew people from this oppression. Moses is born, and because the Pharaoh had ordered that all Hebrew male babies be thrown into the Nile, Moses's mother hides him for his first 3 months of life. Finally, when she can hide him no more, she makes a basket of reeds and places him in the river. Providentially, he is f…

Suitcases Full of Memories (And Dirty Laundry)

I want to thank all of you who prayed after my last post. Your prayers were vitally important, and things went very well. I will get into more of that later!

The suitcases at our house got a workout this summer. At one point, they just stayed sitting on the cedar chest in our bedroom. There is was no use in putting them away. They were just going to get pulled out again so someone could go somewhere. That's how this summer went for us.

To put it another way, all 4 of us were under one roof with nothing going on for only 28 days from June 1 until August 12. Twenty eight days out of 72. That's about 38%. And I'm not even counting the end of May. The kids got out of school May 20, Stewart's MawMaw Edith fell and broke her hip on May 21, Evan's birthday was May 23, we celebrated May 25, and then MawMaw passed away May 30. Those two weeks don't even count. We were so stressed out over MawMaw and then so busy planning a funeral after she went home to heaven that that…

A Personal Prayer Request

Dear Friends,

Several months ago, Stewart was asked to return to our former church, Forestburg Baptist Church in Forestburg, Texas, to lead a revival for renewal in that church. Not long after that, I was asked to speak at a ladies luncheon on that Tuesday of the revival week. After months of talking about it, that week is now here. It is next week! We could not be more thrilled for the opportunity to minister to our former church, where a piece of our heart still resides. On top of that, we get to be led in worship by our former minister of music Gerre Joiner and his sweet wife Jo. It couldn't get any better than that as far as revival services go!

When I was asked to speak, I felt all along that the Lord had a hard word for me to say. He wanted me to tell a story that I have not told in public. A story that brings much pain to me and to Stewart. In telling this story, the enemy will be exposed for who he is - a liar, who only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Yet in this story,…

Cast Your Cares

I have been home alone with just Evan since Monday. Zach left last Wednesday on his 10 year old trip with Aunt Jan. They did space camp in Huntsville, Alabama over the weekend and have been in Chattanooga, Tennessee since then. They are on their way home today (Thursday). Stewart left for El Salvador on Monday for a mission trip. He will be home tomorrow (Friday). So it's just been Evan and me, hanging out and snuggling as much as possible. This is the second week this summer that it's been just the two of us. The first one was last month when Stewart and Zach were at children's camp.

It doesn't bother me to be home alone with one or both of the kids. I have a security system. I know where the firearms are located. I have a cell phone. It's no big deal. But last night as I laid my head down, I started having panic symptoms. It was sort of out of nowhere.

Well, not totally.

You see, Zach gets home today, Stewart gets home tomorrow, and then we have to leave again o…

Messy Mess

Y'all, can I just tell you about my day? Cause I need to talk to somebody!

This morning I got up, had hot tea, ate breakfast, and then got Evan up to feed him breakfast. We did our usual normal routine, and then I left him to go take a shower and read my Bible. Zach was watching a movie on the couch. I assumed he would check on his brother while I was showering and trying to spend time with the Lord.

I was wrong in assuming that.

After I finally finished my Bible study, I went to check on Evan in his room. If you had been close to our house at that moment, you probably heard a scream. Because the first thing I saw was BROWN STAINS ON THE FLOOR! When my eyes finally found Evan, he was standing up at his toy box playing his keyboard with his pants off and his diaper sagging because it was full of not-so-loveliness.

I freaked totally out, y'all. Totally. I didn't even know where to start cleaning. It's one of those moments that your mind is going in so many different dir…