About a month ago, I went through a couple of weeks stretch where I didn't want to go to church.
Both mornings I have wished one of my kids was sick so I could stay home in my yoga pants and watch football.
This sounds shocking, I know. And I really don't know the reason other than the enemy has been hard at work in me. Despair and anxiety have both tried to defeat me. This thing with Evan's seizures really has me down. The enemy would have loved nothing more than for me to stop going to church. He would have preferred that I be at home, not hearing God's powerful word and not singing songs of truth that reminded my soul of how faithful God is. It would have been a victory for him if I had not gotten to have a long conversation with someone who has been visiting our church a couple of weeks ago or if I hadn't gotten to hug the neck of a lady who just lost a beloved husband. I would have missed out on seeing our youth at the altar two Sundays in a row and seeing the profession of faith and baptism of one of them that is precious to me. He would have won.
But I didn't let him. I got up, fed Evan and tried to get all of his medicine down him, got myself dressed, tried to fix my hair (The enemy may have won that one. My hair has not been cooperating!), got Zach off the computer so he could get dressed, got Evan dressed, and we went to church. And God has shown up the past several weeks in a mighty and powerful way. One Sunday, my voice was trying to go out, but I still sang tenor and lifted my hands in worship as Chris recounted scripture on how we need to remember the works of the Lord. I bowed my head and prayed and thanked God for His miracles in my life in the past, and I asked Him to perform a new one. Even while we were singing, I was reminding myself of God's consistent goodness in my life, and I was begging Him to do it again. Then our special music was a song that reinforced that same theme of trusting God's goodness even when we can't see Him move. My husband preached like he's never preached before. It was a message I wish more people had heard. The invitation song was one that is so special because I sang it to Evan when he was in the NICU - "Lord, I Need You." And boy, do I.
Friends, I don't know who reads this thing nor do I know whether or not you were at church last Sunday. But let me encourage you in something. All of us - including ministry staff - have days that we DON'T WANT TO BE AT CHURCH. It's the truth. We just do. Maybe we've been at the church 160 of the 168 hours of the week. Maybe someone has totally crushed our spirits through an email or a conversation. But let me tell you what keeps us coming every time the door opens - Jesus. He and He alone. When despair and anxiety take over me, I recall what He has done in the past. Bringing those things to mind help set my heart on Jesus and takes the power away from the enemy. He has been faithful, and He will be faithful. Reminding myself of His word and His faithful deeds are my offensive weapon against the enemy who is trying to take me down. And being in worship combats it even more. So, if you're down, list what God has done in your life. Your mourning will turn to worship. The enemy will be defeated. Jesus will bring joy to your life. Don't miss out! God is waiting to speak to you every single Sunday!
"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." (Hebrews 10:25, NLT)
Both mornings I have wished one of my kids was sick so I could stay home in my yoga pants and watch football.
This sounds shocking, I know. And I really don't know the reason other than the enemy has been hard at work in me. Despair and anxiety have both tried to defeat me. This thing with Evan's seizures really has me down. The enemy would have loved nothing more than for me to stop going to church. He would have preferred that I be at home, not hearing God's powerful word and not singing songs of truth that reminded my soul of how faithful God is. It would have been a victory for him if I had not gotten to have a long conversation with someone who has been visiting our church a couple of weeks ago or if I hadn't gotten to hug the neck of a lady who just lost a beloved husband. I would have missed out on seeing our youth at the altar two Sundays in a row and seeing the profession of faith and baptism of one of them that is precious to me. He would have won.
But I didn't let him. I got up, fed Evan and tried to get all of his medicine down him, got myself dressed, tried to fix my hair (The enemy may have won that one. My hair has not been cooperating!), got Zach off the computer so he could get dressed, got Evan dressed, and we went to church. And God has shown up the past several weeks in a mighty and powerful way. One Sunday, my voice was trying to go out, but I still sang tenor and lifted my hands in worship as Chris recounted scripture on how we need to remember the works of the Lord. I bowed my head and prayed and thanked God for His miracles in my life in the past, and I asked Him to perform a new one. Even while we were singing, I was reminding myself of God's consistent goodness in my life, and I was begging Him to do it again. Then our special music was a song that reinforced that same theme of trusting God's goodness even when we can't see Him move. My husband preached like he's never preached before. It was a message I wish more people had heard. The invitation song was one that is so special because I sang it to Evan when he was in the NICU - "Lord, I Need You." And boy, do I.
Friends, I don't know who reads this thing nor do I know whether or not you were at church last Sunday. But let me encourage you in something. All of us - including ministry staff - have days that we DON'T WANT TO BE AT CHURCH. It's the truth. We just do. Maybe we've been at the church 160 of the 168 hours of the week. Maybe someone has totally crushed our spirits through an email or a conversation. But let me tell you what keeps us coming every time the door opens - Jesus. He and He alone. When despair and anxiety take over me, I recall what He has done in the past. Bringing those things to mind help set my heart on Jesus and takes the power away from the enemy. He has been faithful, and He will be faithful. Reminding myself of His word and His faithful deeds are my offensive weapon against the enemy who is trying to take me down. And being in worship combats it even more. So, if you're down, list what God has done in your life. Your mourning will turn to worship. The enemy will be defeated. Jesus will bring joy to your life. Don't miss out! God is waiting to speak to you every single Sunday!
"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." (Hebrews 10:25, NLT)
Thank you for always being so honest and open in your sharing! Such an encouraging and relatable read!
ReplyDeleteWhat an encouraging inspirational message! I am so proud of you sweetie and In some ways I can say I've walked the same path you are on. May you never give in - remain faithful as He will be faithful !
ReplyDeleteThe same can be said of deacon wives! I have had these moments, especially lately as my kids have been sick, I've been sick, and we have been too busy to enjoy the journey. He is faithful, though, and continues to draw my heart to Him. Thanks for sharing! I look forward to your writings!
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