When I awakened this morning, Evan and Zach were lying on the couch - one on one end, one on the other. I picked Evan up to take him to the table for breakfast, and he pressed his cheek up against mine, which is how he shows love. We ate breakfast and laughed and talked the whole time. We discussed our trip to South Dakota this summer and how we would be traveling through several states before getting there. Zach excitedly showed me the map of South Dakota in his atlas, pointing out we would be traversing the whole bottom of the state. After breakfast, I dressed Evan as always and brushed his teeth. While we were doing that, I gave him extra kisses and played with him. It was a totally normal morning. Mundane, even.
I was dreading picking up my phone this morning. Dreading what the memory for today would be. There was a picture taken a year ago today that still haunts my nightmares. March 20, 2017 was one of the most horrific days of my life. It was the day we almost lost our Evan. I still can't talk about that day without tearing up and crying. In fact, several weeks ago Stewart took me with him as he visited a church member who was in the same ER where Evan had been. Walking down those halls, I trembled and could barely walk. When we left, I broke down in tears. Even after a year, it is still hard for me to face those difficult moments and the days that followed.
However, one year later, I opened Facebook to find this verse: “The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17b) It's the first day of spring, so indeed, new life is here. Flowers are blooming everywhere. The grass is green. It's a beautiful day!
As for Evan, he is nothing like he was a year ago today. He is growing quickly. He's getting very heavy to carry and is very long. He loves to laugh, and he loves to read books now. School has been the biggest miracle in his life, and we are grateful every single day that he gets to go. However, he is still suffering with seizures. I have been reading a lot about epilepsy and trying to understand how it affects him because he can't tell us how he feels. While it helps me to understand, it makes me more and more sad that he has to endure this. And it frightens me that his next seizure could be his last. Life and death are ever before us. But the Lord has called us to be faithful and obedient. So that is what we do. We keep walking. We keep going. We keep praying for a miracle, knowing God is able. Most of all, we keep thanking God for every little moment we get to spend with both of our precious boys.
I have been thinking a lot about how I was going to spend this day. I didn't want to spend it moping at home. I wanted to do something to make this day different. Last week in my devotional, the writer suggested spending a day in worship to God as a reaction to what we had read that day. That is what I will be doing today. The most important thing I need to remember about March 20, 2017 is that Evan is still with us. We got a second chance. And God deserves the praise for that. So that is what I will do. (I will also do laundry because the mountain is high and must be conquered.) Today, I choose praise and thankfulness. Because Jesus has given us another year. Another day. Another dose of His grace. And that deserves my praise.
"The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!" (Habakkuk 3:19, AMPC)
I was dreading picking up my phone this morning. Dreading what the memory for today would be. There was a picture taken a year ago today that still haunts my nightmares. March 20, 2017 was one of the most horrific days of my life. It was the day we almost lost our Evan. I still can't talk about that day without tearing up and crying. In fact, several weeks ago Stewart took me with him as he visited a church member who was in the same ER where Evan had been. Walking down those halls, I trembled and could barely walk. When we left, I broke down in tears. Even after a year, it is still hard for me to face those difficult moments and the days that followed.
However, one year later, I opened Facebook to find this verse: “The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17b) It's the first day of spring, so indeed, new life is here. Flowers are blooming everywhere. The grass is green. It's a beautiful day!
As for Evan, he is nothing like he was a year ago today. He is growing quickly. He's getting very heavy to carry and is very long. He loves to laugh, and he loves to read books now. School has been the biggest miracle in his life, and we are grateful every single day that he gets to go. However, he is still suffering with seizures. I have been reading a lot about epilepsy and trying to understand how it affects him because he can't tell us how he feels. While it helps me to understand, it makes me more and more sad that he has to endure this. And it frightens me that his next seizure could be his last. Life and death are ever before us. But the Lord has called us to be faithful and obedient. So that is what we do. We keep walking. We keep going. We keep praying for a miracle, knowing God is able. Most of all, we keep thanking God for every little moment we get to spend with both of our precious boys.
I have been thinking a lot about how I was going to spend this day. I didn't want to spend it moping at home. I wanted to do something to make this day different. Last week in my devotional, the writer suggested spending a day in worship to God as a reaction to what we had read that day. That is what I will be doing today. The most important thing I need to remember about March 20, 2017 is that Evan is still with us. We got a second chance. And God deserves the praise for that. So that is what I will do. (I will also do laundry because the mountain is high and must be conquered.) Today, I choose praise and thankfulness. Because Jesus has given us another year. Another day. Another dose of His grace. And that deserves my praise.
"The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!" (Habakkuk 3:19, AMPC)
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| When I put Evan to bed last night, he gave Cat in the Hat a kiss. |
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