Some of you know that I have been dealing with some health problems for a couple of months now. (That explains my lack of blogging.) It all started around the first Sunday in May and has continued. I have been through numerous medical tests, and so far, nothing has been found. There has been pain, and I have had to drastically change my diet. For instance, I haven't had coffee or Diet Coke in over a month. And if you know me, you know what a huge sacrifice that was for me. Caffeine and I were in a committed relationship, and having to give it up has been like losing a member of the family. (Almost. Sort of. You know what I mean.)
The worst part has been that the pain I have been experiencing has caused me to not be able to sing. Not even at home to Evan or in the car. Usually on Sundays, I start singing during worship, but pretty soon, I have to just stop. It seems to exaggerate the pain. I did participate in the praise team last week, but mercifully, we only had to sing three songs since our children were doing their Vacation Bible School musical. Even that much hurt me. When part of your calling in life is leading worship, not being able to do it is like not being able to breathe.
Naturally, not being able to serve has caused some despair in me. I have cried out to the Lord many days over the pain and over the doctors not being able to find the source of it. I have pleaded for the ability to just get back to my life and the things God has called me to do. In addition to not being able to sing, I had to cancel two speaking engagements in early May when the pain was the worst. That was heartbreaking considering I am just launching out on this ministry to which I feel the Lord has called me. It is hard to understand the timing of all of this. It has made me question my call. Question my motives. Question everything, really.
But in the midst of all this discouragement, the Lord has kept saying one thing to me: Be faithful in the small. What is the small for me? It's serving my family well. It's doing registration at VBS (and I had a blast!). It's teaching Sunday School while my beloved Adrienne and the rest of the Martin clan is on sabbatical. It's doing all I can to make sure Evan is still getting some therapy and teaching this summer. It's taking care of Zach when his allergies are really bothering him. And it's making sure Stewart knows how much he's loved on Father's Day. It doesn't sound like much, but it's all I can do right now. The enemy would love for me to believe that's not enough. However, the Lord sent me a big reminder yesterday that it's His position for me right now. I got this sweet card in the mail:
As you can see, it was anonymous. But I am thankful to whomever sent it because the Lord used it to remind me that even in the midst of pain, He can still use me while I'm being faithful in the small.
Thank you to all of you who have prayed for me. Please continue to do so as we head off on a big adventure to South Dakota next week. I really want to feel normal and be able to have fun! Being sidelined on that trip is not an option!
The worst part has been that the pain I have been experiencing has caused me to not be able to sing. Not even at home to Evan or in the car. Usually on Sundays, I start singing during worship, but pretty soon, I have to just stop. It seems to exaggerate the pain. I did participate in the praise team last week, but mercifully, we only had to sing three songs since our children were doing their Vacation Bible School musical. Even that much hurt me. When part of your calling in life is leading worship, not being able to do it is like not being able to breathe.
Naturally, not being able to serve has caused some despair in me. I have cried out to the Lord many days over the pain and over the doctors not being able to find the source of it. I have pleaded for the ability to just get back to my life and the things God has called me to do. In addition to not being able to sing, I had to cancel two speaking engagements in early May when the pain was the worst. That was heartbreaking considering I am just launching out on this ministry to which I feel the Lord has called me. It is hard to understand the timing of all of this. It has made me question my call. Question my motives. Question everything, really.
But in the midst of all this discouragement, the Lord has kept saying one thing to me: Be faithful in the small. What is the small for me? It's serving my family well. It's doing registration at VBS (and I had a blast!). It's teaching Sunday School while my beloved Adrienne and the rest of the Martin clan is on sabbatical. It's doing all I can to make sure Evan is still getting some therapy and teaching this summer. It's taking care of Zach when his allergies are really bothering him. And it's making sure Stewart knows how much he's loved on Father's Day. It doesn't sound like much, but it's all I can do right now. The enemy would love for me to believe that's not enough. However, the Lord sent me a big reminder yesterday that it's His position for me right now. I got this sweet card in the mail:
As you can see, it was anonymous. But I am thankful to whomever sent it because the Lord used it to remind me that even in the midst of pain, He can still use me while I'm being faithful in the small.
Thank you to all of you who have prayed for me. Please continue to do so as we head off on a big adventure to South Dakota next week. I really want to feel normal and be able to have fun! Being sidelined on that trip is not an option!
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