Y'all, can I just tell you about my day? Cause I need to talk to somebody!
This morning I got up, had hot tea, ate breakfast, and then got Evan up to feed him breakfast. We did our usual normal routine, and then I left him to go take a shower and read my Bible. Zach was watching a movie on the couch. I assumed he would check on his brother while I was showering and trying to spend time with the Lord.
I was wrong in assuming that.
After I finally finished my Bible study, I went to check on Evan in his room. If you had been close to our house at that moment, you probably heard a scream. Because the first thing I saw was BROWN STAINS ON THE FLOOR! When my eyes finally found Evan, he was standing up at his toy box playing his keyboard with his pants off and his diaper sagging because it was full of not-so-loveliness.
I freaked totally out, y'all. Totally. I didn't even know where to start cleaning. It's one of those moments that your mind is going in so many different directions that it's hard to figure out which one to follow. I finally decided the best thing was the clean the child first. I tip-toed around the mess and grabbed him and held him out away from my body. There was stuff all over him - hands, feet, back. I sat him in the bathtub still clothed in his diaper and shirt and turned the water on. I got the shirt off and then yelled for Zach to bring me a poop bag. Zach, of course, didn't know what a poop bag was (We've only been using those since he was a baby), so I had to go back to Evan's room like Indiana Jones trying to traverse the Temple of Doom. I removed the horrible diaper and got it disposed of, and then hollered for Zach to get my phone. Then I had to remember where I left it, which at that moment, was hard to do. He finally found it, and we called Daddy. My anxiety had overrun me, and I needed backup.
After getting Evan cleaned, I tried to find a place to confine him so I could get to his room. I knew if I put him down, he would go straight back to his room. His room is his safe space. He loves it. After unsuccessfully looking for the pack and play (I found out later it is now in the attic), I put him in his highchair. Then I grabbed a laundry basket for everything that needed to be washed and another plastic container for all the toys that needed to be cleaned with a Clorox wipe. After separating all those items and trying to pick up everything else, I went off to find carpet cleaning spray and a scrub brush. I sat those items down to go and try and find rubber gloves. Interestingly enough, my rubber gloves all had holes in them. (Note to self: buy rubber gloves!) So I headed back toward Evan's room, but without the carpet cleaning supplies. I got to the door of his room and start sobbing because I couldn't find these supplies that I had left in the kitchen (Y'all, I was deep in the crazy!). Zach was starting to get a little freaked out at this point.
I finally started scrubbing the carpet when Stewart walked in. He smartly suggested we call a carpet cleaner in the church because there was no way my scrubbing was going to do any good. It was that bad. Since it was raining today, it was a little cooler outside, so he opened the window to Evan's room and told me to just leave it. Stewart left after a few minutes, and I threw toys and clothes in the washing machine and then set myself to wiping other toys with disinfectant wipes. It was at this point I lost it again. One toy had to be totally thrown away because it was partially fabric but could not be put in the washing machine. There was just no way it was getting clean.
After I got one particular toy clean, I gave it to Evan in the highchair. It was a toy that he doesn't play with often, but I found that it had been turned off. I turned it on for him and sat it on his tray. As I continued to cry and clean, he started pushing one of the buttons on the toy. The button would say, "Red," and then he would say, "Red." I looked up through my tears and almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then Evan pushed a yellow button and was trying to say "Yellow." Real, honest-to-goodness words were coming from his mouth! Just yesterday, I posted this. Another sign of communication. Could it be? Is God answering the prayer we have prayed for so long - that he would talk?
The carpet cleaner was at our house within the hour, and another hour later, the carpet was clean! (Thanks, Mr. John!) It is still drying at this moment, so Evan had to take a nap on our bed this afternoon and is having to play in the living room now. I have Bible study here at my house tomorrow night, but I am trying to just go with it. With special needs kids (and in life in general), sometimes it is what it is. The house will get clean before tomorrow evening! Or maybe it will get semi-clean. Either way, the Holy Spirit will be present, and we still still hear a word from the Lord.
Anxiety would like to think it won today. It did not. So much more good happened than just yuckiness. Yes, I am worn out. Yes, I am pretty much done with this Monday. But I will not let Monday win. God has given me a little bit of hope in what had been a terrible situation. A tiny glimmer of good was coming out of this messy mess. He has showed me today that a prayer that I had stopped praying, stopped believing would ever be answered may be being answered right before my eyes! Don't stop praying!
This morning I got up, had hot tea, ate breakfast, and then got Evan up to feed him breakfast. We did our usual normal routine, and then I left him to go take a shower and read my Bible. Zach was watching a movie on the couch. I assumed he would check on his brother while I was showering and trying to spend time with the Lord.
I was wrong in assuming that.
After I finally finished my Bible study, I went to check on Evan in his room. If you had been close to our house at that moment, you probably heard a scream. Because the first thing I saw was BROWN STAINS ON THE FLOOR! When my eyes finally found Evan, he was standing up at his toy box playing his keyboard with his pants off and his diaper sagging because it was full of not-so-loveliness.
I freaked totally out, y'all. Totally. I didn't even know where to start cleaning. It's one of those moments that your mind is going in so many different directions that it's hard to figure out which one to follow. I finally decided the best thing was the clean the child first. I tip-toed around the mess and grabbed him and held him out away from my body. There was stuff all over him - hands, feet, back. I sat him in the bathtub still clothed in his diaper and shirt and turned the water on. I got the shirt off and then yelled for Zach to bring me a poop bag. Zach, of course, didn't know what a poop bag was (We've only been using those since he was a baby), so I had to go back to Evan's room like Indiana Jones trying to traverse the Temple of Doom. I removed the horrible diaper and got it disposed of, and then hollered for Zach to get my phone. Then I had to remember where I left it, which at that moment, was hard to do. He finally found it, and we called Daddy. My anxiety had overrun me, and I needed backup.
After getting Evan cleaned, I tried to find a place to confine him so I could get to his room. I knew if I put him down, he would go straight back to his room. His room is his safe space. He loves it. After unsuccessfully looking for the pack and play (I found out later it is now in the attic), I put him in his highchair. Then I grabbed a laundry basket for everything that needed to be washed and another plastic container for all the toys that needed to be cleaned with a Clorox wipe. After separating all those items and trying to pick up everything else, I went off to find carpet cleaning spray and a scrub brush. I sat those items down to go and try and find rubber gloves. Interestingly enough, my rubber gloves all had holes in them. (Note to self: buy rubber gloves!) So I headed back toward Evan's room, but without the carpet cleaning supplies. I got to the door of his room and start sobbing because I couldn't find these supplies that I had left in the kitchen (Y'all, I was deep in the crazy!). Zach was starting to get a little freaked out at this point.
I finally started scrubbing the carpet when Stewart walked in. He smartly suggested we call a carpet cleaner in the church because there was no way my scrubbing was going to do any good. It was that bad. Since it was raining today, it was a little cooler outside, so he opened the window to Evan's room and told me to just leave it. Stewart left after a few minutes, and I threw toys and clothes in the washing machine and then set myself to wiping other toys with disinfectant wipes. It was at this point I lost it again. One toy had to be totally thrown away because it was partially fabric but could not be put in the washing machine. There was just no way it was getting clean.
After I got one particular toy clean, I gave it to Evan in the highchair. It was a toy that he doesn't play with often, but I found that it had been turned off. I turned it on for him and sat it on his tray. As I continued to cry and clean, he started pushing one of the buttons on the toy. The button would say, "Red," and then he would say, "Red." I looked up through my tears and almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then Evan pushed a yellow button and was trying to say "Yellow." Real, honest-to-goodness words were coming from his mouth! Just yesterday, I posted this. Another sign of communication. Could it be? Is God answering the prayer we have prayed for so long - that he would talk?
The carpet cleaner was at our house within the hour, and another hour later, the carpet was clean! (Thanks, Mr. John!) It is still drying at this moment, so Evan had to take a nap on our bed this afternoon and is having to play in the living room now. I have Bible study here at my house tomorrow night, but I am trying to just go with it. With special needs kids (and in life in general), sometimes it is what it is. The house will get clean before tomorrow evening! Or maybe it will get semi-clean. Either way, the Holy Spirit will be present, and we still still hear a word from the Lord.
Anxiety would like to think it won today. It did not. So much more good happened than just yuckiness. Yes, I am worn out. Yes, I am pretty much done with this Monday. But I will not let Monday win. God has given me a little bit of hope in what had been a terrible situation. A tiny glimmer of good was coming out of this messy mess. He has showed me today that a prayer that I had stopped praying, stopped believing would ever be answered may be being answered right before my eyes! Don't stop praying!
"So I say to you, Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find; knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks and keeps on asking receives; and he who seeks and keeps on seeking finds; and to him who knocks and keeps on knocking, the door shall be opened." (Luke 11:9-10, AMPC)
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| The cleaned room (I figured I'd spare you the grossness of the "before" picture!) |
Even at your weakest moment you are so strong. God is s good
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