I have been home alone with just Evan since Monday. Zach left last Wednesday on his 10 year old trip with Aunt Jan. They did space camp in Huntsville, Alabama over the weekend and have been in Chattanooga, Tennessee since then. They are on their way home today (Thursday). Stewart left for El Salvador on Monday for a mission trip. He will be home tomorrow (Friday). So it's just been Evan and me, hanging out and snuggling as much as possible. This is the second week this summer that it's been just the two of us. The first one was last month when Stewart and Zach were at children's camp.
It doesn't bother me to be home alone with one or both of the kids. I have a security system. I know where the firearms are located. I have a cell phone. It's no big deal. But last night as I laid my head down, I started having panic symptoms. It was sort of out of nowhere.
Well, not totally.
You see, Zach gets home today, Stewart gets home tomorrow, and then we have to leave again on Saturday to take Zach to Dallas for another camp that starts Sunday. There is washing and packing that is going to have to be done in a very short period of time starting the moment Zach walks in the door. Evan had therapy this morning, and they were doing water games. I needed to go to the grocery store during that time. Like HAD TO. We were also supposed to go swimming this afternoon. I was thinking through all the things I have to take for us to go swimming. Evan's floaties aren't inflated, and I have never been able to blow things up. To top it all off, I've been driving Stewart's car all week, but one of his tires has been running low on air. Not terribly low, but the little message that comes up when you crank the car stresses me out. I know how to air up a tire with the compressor, but the last time I tried to use the compressor, I couldn't get it to work. And what all do I have to pack for Zach again? And why hasn't Walmart filled that prescription I sent in at the beginning of the week? I was just so lonely. So tired of being the only parent. Weary of the packing and re-packing and packing again.
As you can see, my mind was running wild. I was dizzy and felt like I couldn't breathe. Finally, I just sat up in bed and started praying out loud. While I was praying, a praise song was running through my head, and I started singing it quietly:
Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God forever!
I sang and prayed until I finally could lay down and rest. It had been nearly an hour since I had gone to bed, and the Lord had calmed my anxiety enough for me to sleep.
My alarm went off at 7:00 a.m., and I started rehearsing all those anxious thoughts once again. I ran around like a crazy woman this morning trying to get Evan and me ready to head out the door to therapy. I texted a friend to pray for me, and she did. I started praying myself. The first thing I prayed was that I could get the tire aired up. I went out and got the compressor to do what I needed it to do. But when I got in the car, the warning light came back on. I was so angry. Then suddenly, the light went off! I whispered a "Thank You, Jesus!" and plugged my phone into Stewart's car. Without any prompting, it began playing praise music off my phone! I began singing at the top of my lungs! Evan even made some sounds like he was enjoying my singing!
When we pulled in the parking lot of the therapy clinic, a particularly powerful song was coming on. We had a few minutes before Evan's appointment, so I sat in the car and just worshiped. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so strong in that moment. I sang with all my might. I didn't care who heard me. I didn't care if anyone thought I was crazy. The Holy Spirit was snatching my anxiety from me and giving me a heart full of joy!
I left Evan for his appointment and went on to the grocery store. I got through shopping in record time. I had already decided it was a day for Starbucks before I left the house. I had a gift card with plenty of money left on it, so it was going to be free anyway. Well, when I walked up to the booth, a man was working on the cash register, and a lady was making drinks. The lady turned to me and said, "They are installing a new register, so I can't charge you for a drink. But I can make you whatever you want, and it's free!"
Can we just stop and all say, "Glory hallelujah!" right now?! Has that ever happened in the history of the world?
I cannot believe the kindness of our Lord today. He took this anxious mess and worked all the details of her day out perfectly. I am so grateful. Just so grateful. When we give it Him, He can take it and work it all out the way He wants it. Why don't we do that in the first place? Why do we let our minds run wild when they need to be running wildly to Jesus? He's waiting to take it all. So cast it on Him. Cast it, chunk it, throw it as hard as you can. He's ready to catch it!
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy. (Psalm 94:19)
It doesn't bother me to be home alone with one or both of the kids. I have a security system. I know where the firearms are located. I have a cell phone. It's no big deal. But last night as I laid my head down, I started having panic symptoms. It was sort of out of nowhere.
Well, not totally.
You see, Zach gets home today, Stewart gets home tomorrow, and then we have to leave again on Saturday to take Zach to Dallas for another camp that starts Sunday. There is washing and packing that is going to have to be done in a very short period of time starting the moment Zach walks in the door. Evan had therapy this morning, and they were doing water games. I needed to go to the grocery store during that time. Like HAD TO. We were also supposed to go swimming this afternoon. I was thinking through all the things I have to take for us to go swimming. Evan's floaties aren't inflated, and I have never been able to blow things up. To top it all off, I've been driving Stewart's car all week, but one of his tires has been running low on air. Not terribly low, but the little message that comes up when you crank the car stresses me out. I know how to air up a tire with the compressor, but the last time I tried to use the compressor, I couldn't get it to work. And what all do I have to pack for Zach again? And why hasn't Walmart filled that prescription I sent in at the beginning of the week? I was just so lonely. So tired of being the only parent. Weary of the packing and re-packing and packing again.
As you can see, my mind was running wild. I was dizzy and felt like I couldn't breathe. Finally, I just sat up in bed and started praying out loud. While I was praying, a praise song was running through my head, and I started singing it quietly:
Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God forever!
I sang and prayed until I finally could lay down and rest. It had been nearly an hour since I had gone to bed, and the Lord had calmed my anxiety enough for me to sleep.
My alarm went off at 7:00 a.m., and I started rehearsing all those anxious thoughts once again. I ran around like a crazy woman this morning trying to get Evan and me ready to head out the door to therapy. I texted a friend to pray for me, and she did. I started praying myself. The first thing I prayed was that I could get the tire aired up. I went out and got the compressor to do what I needed it to do. But when I got in the car, the warning light came back on. I was so angry. Then suddenly, the light went off! I whispered a "Thank You, Jesus!" and plugged my phone into Stewart's car. Without any prompting, it began playing praise music off my phone! I began singing at the top of my lungs! Evan even made some sounds like he was enjoying my singing!
When we pulled in the parking lot of the therapy clinic, a particularly powerful song was coming on. We had a few minutes before Evan's appointment, so I sat in the car and just worshiped. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so strong in that moment. I sang with all my might. I didn't care who heard me. I didn't care if anyone thought I was crazy. The Holy Spirit was snatching my anxiety from me and giving me a heart full of joy!
I left Evan for his appointment and went on to the grocery store. I got through shopping in record time. I had already decided it was a day for Starbucks before I left the house. I had a gift card with plenty of money left on it, so it was going to be free anyway. Well, when I walked up to the booth, a man was working on the cash register, and a lady was making drinks. The lady turned to me and said, "They are installing a new register, so I can't charge you for a drink. But I can make you whatever you want, and it's free!"
Can we just stop and all say, "Glory hallelujah!" right now?! Has that ever happened in the history of the world?
I cannot believe the kindness of our Lord today. He took this anxious mess and worked all the details of her day out perfectly. I am so grateful. Just so grateful. When we give it Him, He can take it and work it all out the way He wants it. Why don't we do that in the first place? Why do we let our minds run wild when they need to be running wildly to Jesus? He's waiting to take it all. So cast it on Him. Cast it, chunk it, throw it as hard as you can. He's ready to catch it!
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy. (Psalm 94:19)
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| (Please excuse the hideous fever blister!) |
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