October seems to be the month for all kinds of awareness. In our house, the most important is that it is Down Syndrome Awareness Month! We could not be more proud to promote love and acceptance for our sweet Evan, who is the joy of our life despite the many challenges he faces every single day!
But today I ran across another awareness day that I also could claim. October 15 is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Remembrance Day. The statistics say that one in four women have experienced a miscarriage, a still birth, or the loss of an infant. I fall into the first category. In 2005, I suffered a miscarriage.
I don't talk about it much anymore. Zachary became our miracle baby when God finally gave him to us in 2008, so the pain of that time was mostly erased by the absolutely astonishing way God brought us Zach. If I am being honest, losing our first baby was a time of deep, deep sorrow for me. I fell into one of the largest pits of despair that I have ever experienced.
Back in 2005, people didn't talk about miscarriages much at all. In fact, many in the older generation who had experienced one kind of blew me off and said, "Oh, you'll get pregnant again soon." Okay, maybe I will. Maybe I won't. In our case, I didn't. It took two years. In those two years, I can remember many times of sobbing out loud to the Lord when I would find out yet another person I knew was pregnant, and I still wasn't. I can remember one day not long after I miscarried when I was literally on the floor in our office at our parsonage in Forestburg crying out to God saying, "If this is the Christian life, then I don't want it anymore." I was ready to give up on Jesus. Ready to abandon my faith. But the Lord kept whispering hymns in my ears. That's all I could hear in my spirit. Songs of the faith that had carried me through my entire life. Those hymns helped me not to give up. To keep pressing forward. And to keep trusting Jesus.
The summer after I lost the baby, I was driving from our house to Walmart. Walmart was 30 minutes from Forestburg in any direction, so I had plenty of time to think. I was playing a Gaither CD that I had just recently received from a Gaither Homecoming we had attended in Dallas. The old song "I Just Feel Like Something Good is About to Happen" was on. I hadn't heard the song in years, and even then, I didn't remember the lyrics to the verses. One of the verses has a line that says, "Every tear I shed was worth all the investment." When I listened to that line, I heard the Lord say to me, "Rebecca, you know I had to humble you, right?" Got it, Lord. I had been humbled to the very core of my being. And what has come out of that humbling? I am able to sympathize with those who have experienced a similar loss.
For those of you who have had a pregnancy loss, please know that I stand with you. I get it. And it's okay to talk about it! Don't stay in the pit! Find a trusted friend or a counselor with which you can share your heart. Someone wants to help. When you are able, tell your story, because your story can help someone else get out of their pit. God has used our story over and over again, and He gets all the glory for that! Healing is possible. We are not meant to stay in the pit. The Lord is with you in that pit and when it's time, He Himself will pull you out!
"The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little while. To him be dominion forever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10-11
But today I ran across another awareness day that I also could claim. October 15 is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Remembrance Day. The statistics say that one in four women have experienced a miscarriage, a still birth, or the loss of an infant. I fall into the first category. In 2005, I suffered a miscarriage.
I don't talk about it much anymore. Zachary became our miracle baby when God finally gave him to us in 2008, so the pain of that time was mostly erased by the absolutely astonishing way God brought us Zach. If I am being honest, losing our first baby was a time of deep, deep sorrow for me. I fell into one of the largest pits of despair that I have ever experienced.
Back in 2005, people didn't talk about miscarriages much at all. In fact, many in the older generation who had experienced one kind of blew me off and said, "Oh, you'll get pregnant again soon." Okay, maybe I will. Maybe I won't. In our case, I didn't. It took two years. In those two years, I can remember many times of sobbing out loud to the Lord when I would find out yet another person I knew was pregnant, and I still wasn't. I can remember one day not long after I miscarried when I was literally on the floor in our office at our parsonage in Forestburg crying out to God saying, "If this is the Christian life, then I don't want it anymore." I was ready to give up on Jesus. Ready to abandon my faith. But the Lord kept whispering hymns in my ears. That's all I could hear in my spirit. Songs of the faith that had carried me through my entire life. Those hymns helped me not to give up. To keep pressing forward. And to keep trusting Jesus.
The summer after I lost the baby, I was driving from our house to Walmart. Walmart was 30 minutes from Forestburg in any direction, so I had plenty of time to think. I was playing a Gaither CD that I had just recently received from a Gaither Homecoming we had attended in Dallas. The old song "I Just Feel Like Something Good is About to Happen" was on. I hadn't heard the song in years, and even then, I didn't remember the lyrics to the verses. One of the verses has a line that says, "Every tear I shed was worth all the investment." When I listened to that line, I heard the Lord say to me, "Rebecca, you know I had to humble you, right?" Got it, Lord. I had been humbled to the very core of my being. And what has come out of that humbling? I am able to sympathize with those who have experienced a similar loss.
For those of you who have had a pregnancy loss, please know that I stand with you. I get it. And it's okay to talk about it! Don't stay in the pit! Find a trusted friend or a counselor with which you can share your heart. Someone wants to help. When you are able, tell your story, because your story can help someone else get out of their pit. God has used our story over and over again, and He gets all the glory for that! Healing is possible. We are not meant to stay in the pit. The Lord is with you in that pit and when it's time, He Himself will pull you out!
"The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little while. To him be dominion forever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10-11
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