How Long?

Anybody else had their coronavirus nervous breakdown yet? Just me?

Mine happened on day 40 exactly. That morning I got up at my usual time, ate my usual breakfast, drank a tea that’s not my favorite because that’s all I have right now, and watched the news. (That last thing was probably my first mistake.) After I finished my tea, I wanted to keep sitting there and not move. I wanted to drink another cup and just keep zoning out on the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news that just keeps coming like a freight train. But Evan had to be fed, so I made myself move. 

After my shower and quiet time, I wanted to get back in bed. I had things I needed to do, but I had no desire to do them. The laundry had to be done. There was no getting around that one. But I just kept sitting. 

I was done. I was done with the virus. I was done with the stay at home order. I was done with not being able to go places and do things and see my friends and hug my friends. I sat and cried for a long time. Finally, I took my iPad and went outside. It was a beautiful day. I mean just perfect! It helped my feelings a lot, but I still cried.

I read recently that Psalm 13 is called the “Howling Psalm.” I think the question that is asked 4 times in these few verses is the question that we’re all asking:

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long will I store up anxious concerns within me, agony in my mind every day? How long will my enemy dominate me? Consider me and answer, Lord my God. Restore brightness to my eyes; otherwise, I will sleep in death. My enemy will say, “I have triumphed over him,” and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.”

Psalms 13:1-4 CSB

How long, O Lord? Really. How much longer? We have no way of knowing the answer to that question. And that’s what gets most of us down. 

As I sat outside crying on that day 40, the beauty of God’s creation was all around me. Our flowers are blooming. I saw a bright red bird and a blue bird playing together. We have a rabbit that visits us often, and he was out there. The song of all the birds was God’s way of reminding me, “I have not forgotten you.”

Though Psalm 13 begins with howling, this is how David ends it:

“But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in your deliverance. I will sing to the Lord because he has treated me generously.”

Psalms 13:5-6 CSB

You don’t think the Lord has treated us generously in this season? Yes, He has. If you stop and look around you, you are far more blessed than you even realize. You have electricity, running water, and probably some sort of food in your pantry. You probably have at least some toilet paper. But more than that, God has treated you generously because while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) That is the most generous thing He could have ever done for you and me. Even though we sin. Even though we forget how much He has done for us, Christ died for us. 

If you are living without hope in this season, let me share hope with you. The God of the Universe, the God who made those birds, flowers, rabbits, and all that other stuff in my backyard, loves you. He wants a relationship with you. In fact, He wants that relationship so much that He sent His Son Jesus to a cross to die to save you from your sin. You cannot save yourself. Not by your works. Not by being good. We are only saved when we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised Him from the dead. (Romans 10:9) If you do that today, you will have eternal life and eternal hope in Jesus. 

How long will this all last? We have no idea. But we can have hope because our God has treated us generously. Even though we may be howling, give God some praise today, and your howling will turn to rejoicing!