Music is a powerful force. It can make you sing. It can make you dance. It can make you cry. It brings up feeling you never knew you had. And it evokes memories. Music can take you back to places, people, things, smells, and feelings in a way nothing else can.
Music is a second language for me - one I speak fluently. It's one of the ways I relate to God. Listening to His music and singing His songs connects me to Him, but it also helps me say to Him what I need to say. It helps me to praise Him in a way that He most deserves. It relieves my anxiety. Sometimes, music allows me to cry out to Him in deep pain. Certain songs seem to open floodgates of tears in me, and they become groans only the Spirit can understand. And just like all music, there are particular Christian songs that bring back memories - both good and bad.
One such song memory actually began 10 years ago this month. We still lived in Forestburg, Texas at the time, and our youth had been talking about the David Crowder Band a lot. During their worship times, they would use some of their songs, or they would play their music during events. I had not quite caught on to the fad of that group. I just couldn't get into their music. But one beautiful sunny drive changed that for me.
In early April 2008, I noticed I was feeling poorly. I had had several days of nausea, and I had been very tired. Life was stressful at that time. My mom was living with us part of the time because she had recently gone nearly blind due to diabetes. I had been taking her back and forth between Forestburg and her home in Athens, Louisiana almost every other week for doctor's appointments. It had been very hard on me, and I thought the symptoms I was experiencing had something do with all that travel. After one trip back to Athens in late March, Mom had decided to stay home a couple of weeks by herself, with some friends coming by to check on her. Stewart and I thought that was probably a good idea because I was weary from all driving.
But in early April things began changing, and I started feeling very sick. Finally, Stewart said, "You are either sick or you're pregnant. We need to find out which one." Stewart and I had struggled for a couple of years with infertility. We had a miscarriage in December 2005 that was devastating. After months and months of trying, we had been told in February 2008 that we would not be able to have children without medical intervention. If I was truly pregnant, it would be a miracle of the highest degree. If I was sick, well, that would be awful.
That night Stewart came home from a meeting with a pregnancy test in hand. I immediately took it and anxiously awaited the results. To our surprise and joy, it was positive! We immediately hit our knees in praise and thanksgiving to our God for answering our prayers and the prayers of so many others.
I called my doctor the next morning, and a couple of days later, we were off to Denton to see her. Even though the test had been positive, I was still as nervous as I could be. Our first pregnancy, which had ended with loss, had been a complete nightmare when it came to doctor's appointments. I was seeing a different OBGYN at the time, and every single ultrasound had been a horrible experience. So having another one scared me to death. But as I was driving that beautiful spring day, a David Crowder Band song called, "O Praise Him" came on the radio. I actually listened to the words this time, and I was sort of singing along. While I was singing, the Lord whispered in my spirit, "Go ahead. Start praising me. Everything is okay." Peace washed over me. Just an hour or so later, the song came back into my head as my doctor turned the sonogram screen around and showed us a tiny, beating heart!
After that joyous day, every time I heard "O Praise Him" on the radio, I thought of Zachary. The memories of that day plus my whole pregnancy with him and his birth always flooded back into my mind. To me, it sort of became Zach's life song, though I never really told anyone that. It just always evoked such happiness in me every time I heard that song and reminded me of the miracle God had performed.
Fast forward to November 2012. By this time, we had moved to Pineville, and my mom had passed away. Life was a lot different 4 years later, but "O Praise Him" was still being played on the radio all the time. Zach was about to be 4 years old when we found out he was going to be a big brother. We were so excited! Still remembering the miracle that Zach had been, we expected our new baby to be nothing short of the same thing. I went to my first appointment, and we got to see that sweet little beating heart that first day, too. I remember, though, that even sitting in that sonogram, something seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on it. Nonetheless, Stewart and I were both still thrilled to be having another baby.
I made the long trek from the hospital back to my car that day, and I vividly remember getting in the car and turning the key in the ignition. And do you know what song was playing on the radio? You guessed it! When I heard the first few notes, I laid my head on the steering wheel and burst into tears of joy and thanksgiving. But this time, the Lord whispered to my spirit, "It's going to be harder this time." And He was right. Nothing could have prepared me for how hard our Evan would be. But every time I heard that song, I knew God was in control, and He is still in the miracle business.
"O Praise Him" doesn't come on the radio much anymore. In fact, the David Crowder Band is now just Crowder. I actually heard Crowder perform that song several years ago live, and it was a cool experience. When I do hear that song, I still tear up. I consider it to be the anthem that God has chosen to place over my boys' lives. No matter what, I pray they will praise Him. And I am thankful for the gift of music that reminds me of the blessings of my boys!
Music is a second language for me - one I speak fluently. It's one of the ways I relate to God. Listening to His music and singing His songs connects me to Him, but it also helps me say to Him what I need to say. It helps me to praise Him in a way that He most deserves. It relieves my anxiety. Sometimes, music allows me to cry out to Him in deep pain. Certain songs seem to open floodgates of tears in me, and they become groans only the Spirit can understand. And just like all music, there are particular Christian songs that bring back memories - both good and bad.
One such song memory actually began 10 years ago this month. We still lived in Forestburg, Texas at the time, and our youth had been talking about the David Crowder Band a lot. During their worship times, they would use some of their songs, or they would play their music during events. I had not quite caught on to the fad of that group. I just couldn't get into their music. But one beautiful sunny drive changed that for me.
In early April 2008, I noticed I was feeling poorly. I had had several days of nausea, and I had been very tired. Life was stressful at that time. My mom was living with us part of the time because she had recently gone nearly blind due to diabetes. I had been taking her back and forth between Forestburg and her home in Athens, Louisiana almost every other week for doctor's appointments. It had been very hard on me, and I thought the symptoms I was experiencing had something do with all that travel. After one trip back to Athens in late March, Mom had decided to stay home a couple of weeks by herself, with some friends coming by to check on her. Stewart and I thought that was probably a good idea because I was weary from all driving.
But in early April things began changing, and I started feeling very sick. Finally, Stewart said, "You are either sick or you're pregnant. We need to find out which one." Stewart and I had struggled for a couple of years with infertility. We had a miscarriage in December 2005 that was devastating. After months and months of trying, we had been told in February 2008 that we would not be able to have children without medical intervention. If I was truly pregnant, it would be a miracle of the highest degree. If I was sick, well, that would be awful.
That night Stewart came home from a meeting with a pregnancy test in hand. I immediately took it and anxiously awaited the results. To our surprise and joy, it was positive! We immediately hit our knees in praise and thanksgiving to our God for answering our prayers and the prayers of so many others.
I called my doctor the next morning, and a couple of days later, we were off to Denton to see her. Even though the test had been positive, I was still as nervous as I could be. Our first pregnancy, which had ended with loss, had been a complete nightmare when it came to doctor's appointments. I was seeing a different OBGYN at the time, and every single ultrasound had been a horrible experience. So having another one scared me to death. But as I was driving that beautiful spring day, a David Crowder Band song called, "O Praise Him" came on the radio. I actually listened to the words this time, and I was sort of singing along. While I was singing, the Lord whispered in my spirit, "Go ahead. Start praising me. Everything is okay." Peace washed over me. Just an hour or so later, the song came back into my head as my doctor turned the sonogram screen around and showed us a tiny, beating heart!
After that joyous day, every time I heard "O Praise Him" on the radio, I thought of Zachary. The memories of that day plus my whole pregnancy with him and his birth always flooded back into my mind. To me, it sort of became Zach's life song, though I never really told anyone that. It just always evoked such happiness in me every time I heard that song and reminded me of the miracle God had performed.
Fast forward to November 2012. By this time, we had moved to Pineville, and my mom had passed away. Life was a lot different 4 years later, but "O Praise Him" was still being played on the radio all the time. Zach was about to be 4 years old when we found out he was going to be a big brother. We were so excited! Still remembering the miracle that Zach had been, we expected our new baby to be nothing short of the same thing. I went to my first appointment, and we got to see that sweet little beating heart that first day, too. I remember, though, that even sitting in that sonogram, something seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on it. Nonetheless, Stewart and I were both still thrilled to be having another baby.
I made the long trek from the hospital back to my car that day, and I vividly remember getting in the car and turning the key in the ignition. And do you know what song was playing on the radio? You guessed it! When I heard the first few notes, I laid my head on the steering wheel and burst into tears of joy and thanksgiving. But this time, the Lord whispered to my spirit, "It's going to be harder this time." And He was right. Nothing could have prepared me for how hard our Evan would be. But every time I heard that song, I knew God was in control, and He is still in the miracle business.
"O Praise Him" doesn't come on the radio much anymore. In fact, the David Crowder Band is now just Crowder. I actually heard Crowder perform that song several years ago live, and it was a cool experience. When I do hear that song, I still tear up. I consider it to be the anthem that God has chosen to place over my boys' lives. No matter what, I pray they will praise Him. And I am thankful for the gift of music that reminds me of the blessings of my boys!
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