Be Still

If you are reading this on May 23, today is Evan’s 7^th birthday! I know, right?! How is he 7? Over his little life, he has taught me a lot.

Since this pandemic began, we have done our best to guard Evan from getting anyone’s germs. We have largely been at home – other than an occasional trip to the church and to Gram’s. His contact with others outside our family has been very limited, and we intend to keep it that way for as long as possible. Respiratory issues have been common for him in the past, and this virus would not be a good thing for him, to say the least.

So you can imagine my panic when I went into his room to play with him and saw yucky goo coming out of one of his ears. I knew instantly that he had an ear infection. I immediately called our pediatrician’s office, hoping they could just call in some drops. My hopes were dashed when the nurse told me they had to see if to determine if anything else was going on. Because it was late in the afternoon, the appointment had to be set for the next day, but it had to wait until the afternoon. Why? Because they were only doing well visits in the morning. I was instructed to arrive and wait in my car. When we arrived, I was told to call the office and they would call me back when it was time for Evan’s appointment. We could wear masks if we wanted, but it was not required.

Woah. All of that caused my anxiety to rise quickly. But we still had to get through the evening and into the next morning before we even had to worry about all of that. All that morning of the appointment, I could feel the stress rising up in me. I was rushing around trying to get my house clean because it was cleaning day according to the COVID schedule I had made for the boys and me. I had to eat lunch and then get Evan fed and dressed. Finally, it was getting very close to “go time” and I started hurriedly putting things in the car so I could drop Zach off at the church with Stewart and then to go on to Evan’s appointment. I was an anxious mess. I took Zach’s head off in the process of all this rushing around. I needed to get a grip!

In the middle of some crucial step in the leaving process, I went in Evan’s room to get something. I don’t even know what. As I walked into his room, Evan turned around, smiled at me, and then lifted his arms. My first thought was, “UGH! I don’t have time for this right now!” But for some odd reason, I sat down on the floor with him and cuddled him up in my lap. He snuggled right up to me and smiled. He wanted to be held. I kept looking at the clock, trying to see how much longer until we had to be in the car. Finally, I heard the Spirit say to me, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Probably a year ago I had studied Psalm 46:10 in several different translations just to see what all “Be still” actually meant. I had heard before that it didn’t necessarily mean what I thought it did, so I wanted to see for myself what God was really saying in this verse. Here are some of the ways different versions translate “be still”:

Desist

Stop your fighting

Cease striving

Let be and be still

Step out of the traffic

Surrender your anxiety

Be silent

All of those words came into my mind as I sat there rocking my baby. I didn’t need to be rushing around making myself crazy. I needed to just be still. Cease striving. Stop fighting. Surrender.

I sat there for a little longer and held Evan as long as I could. Finally, it really was time to get in the car, but I was a lot calmer when I did. We left and ran into a traffic jam on our way, but I was able to just calmly find our way around it. The doctor’s appointment was very different, but all went well. And it really was just an ear infection and nothing more. 

Anxiety is high for all of us right now. I see it in me. I see it in my friends. However, it just may be that God is calling us to “be still.” Just sit with Him. Lean into Him. Know He is God. As the rest of Psalm 46:10 says, He is “exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.” He is in complete control though it may seem like chaos around us. He is still on His throne. He still rules and reigns. We need to stop trying to control things ourselves and put Him back on the throne of our lives and let Him handle this. He’s got it. We just need to be still.