Recently, Evan got into trouble.
I know what you’re thinking. What could this boy full of magical sweetness possibly have done to anger his mother? Occasionally, Evan has to be corrected. He is still a boy. He is still human. He still gets into things he shouldn’t or does things he shouldn’t.
But that night, I had just finally had enough.
Evan is in a stage of being very adventurous and very busy. All kids go through that stage, but Evan has waited until 8 to do this. I have always said that if Evan had been “normal,” he would have been our dare devil. I mean like our swinging from the chandeliers kid. But he’s not “normal” so his feats of terror seem to be less terrifying. However, right now, he is all over this house and nosing into things that are not his business. He’s pulling things off of shelves. If he sees one of his sippy cups anywhere near the edge of a counter, he is after it and yanking down everything around it, too.
This particular incident involved food. As many of you know, Evan is very fond of food. His size may not show it, but the boy would eat us out of house and home if he could. Lately, he has been grabbing his plates if I leave them unattended near him. This is not a good thing because first, he cannot feed himself yet. Second, most likely, the food will end up on the floor. And third, something might get broken. One morning he nearly pulled his oatmeal bowl off the table when I turned my back to get something. I have been doing my best to place plates far away from him, but his reach is getting longer and longer.
That evening Evan had been “food begging” (as we call it) since well before Stewart had begun cooking – despite the fact that he had had a snack just minutes before. Finally, Stewart had started dinner, and Evan was carefully watching every step, pretty much under Stewart’s feet. We sat down to eat, and I began feeding Evan immediately and did not take a bite of my own food for several minutes. Eventually, I began eating and trying my best to get the nourishment in the child before he keeled right over from starvation.
In Evan’s estimation, I wasn’t doing it fast enough. Evan started to reach for his spoon. Then he was tugging at his plate. His cup was emptied of almond milk, so he whacked it out of the way to show his displeasure. I was at my whit’s end, so my temper came out. I plopped his plate on the tray of his high chair and said, “Here. Here is your spoon. If I can’t do it right, then you do it.” I put the spoon in his hand and helped him take one bite, which he promptly spit out.
Well, that was the end of it. “Nope. You’re done.” And I took his plate away, along with his cup. And I finished my dinner.
Was this the right thing to do? Most people would say no. But sometimes, I just reach my limit. I get tired of feeding him. I get tired of changing diapers. My body is weary of carrying him around the house. The other night, I hurt my thumb trying to get him out of the bathtub. It’s just a lot. All of it. The medicines. The appointments. The doctors. The daily seizures. The constant care. It’s all never ending.
Yet this is my calling. God gave me the assignment of Evan 8 years ago. While the bad days are usually few and far between, the good days redeem them 100 times over. Yes, Evan is sweet. He loves us to pieces. He adores his big brother. He loves books now. And seeing him in church helps me worship God all the more.
One of my favorite voices for special needs parents is Sandra Peoples. She is a special needs mom and sibling, so she knows what she’s talking about! Recently, she posted the following on Facebook:
No matter what I thought my calling was when I was five, or fifteen, or twenty-five—the calling that overshadows almost every other goal I had is being James's mom. But this wasn't a mistake. This didn't surprise God. When He created me with a set of gifts and calling, He did so knowing I would be James's mom. That means I can still achieve every purpose He has for me within the constraints of my daily life.[1]
This quote reminds me that my biggest assignment is Evan. It’s hard. It’s tiring. But it is worth it. You have hard assignments in your life, too. God has equipped you for this work just as He’s equipped me. On the bad days, we all have to stop, pray, and remember we are not in this alone. His Holy Spirit is just a breath away. And His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Being Evan’s mom is a ton of fun right now, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world! I just have to make sure he gets his food on time! (Wink)
[1] Sandra Peoples, Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Family.
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