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Messy Mess

on June 24, 2019

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When I awakened this morning, Evan and Zach were lying on the couch - one on one end, one on the other. I picked Evan up to take him to the table for breakfast, and he pressed his cheek up against mine, which is how he shows love. We ate breakfast and laughed and talked the whole time. We discussed our trip to South Dakota this summer and how we would be traveling through several states before getting there. Zach excitedly showed me the map of South Dakota in his atlas, pointing out we would be traversing the whole bottom of the state. After breakfast, I dressed Evan as always and brushed his teeth. While we were doing that, I gave him extra kisses and played with him. It was a totally normal morning. Mundane, even. I was dreading picking up my phone this morning. Dreading what the memory for today would be. There was a picture taken a year ago today that still haunts my nightmares. March 20, 2017 was one of the most horrific days of my life. It was the day we almost lost our Evan. I...

Lord of the Wind and Waves

It was 5 years ago this week that a phone call changed our lives forever. I have rarely talked about the events of Evan's prenatal diagnosis in public. However, the Lord led me to write this several months ago. I thought it would be used in some sort of public speaking opportunity, but it seems as if He wants me to share it here and now. This is longer than a normal post, and I hope you will stay with me as I split my heart wide open and share with you a part of the ongoing grief process that I experience nearly every day. While there is grief, there is still much joy because Evan is God's precious creation. I have just spent 3 days stuck at home with both of my children due to snow, and even during that confinement, I had wonderful times with Evan as he laughed his head off at me and his brother. He is all joy, and that is his gift to all of us. So here it goes... Matthew 8:23-27 says: Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm ...

Mountains Move

I received this email the other night and burst into tears. I am posting the text of the email here mainly so I won't lose it. Just this morning my devotional instructed me to write down even the smallest victories of the Lord. This is one of them. Rebecca, Last Sunday morning as I walked from my Sunday School room down the preschool hallway to the early worship service, I passed by the nursery. As I walked past the door, I saw that Evan was taking steps, walking toward one of the nursery workers, who was waiting to take his hands. When he got to her, all the teachers cheered! There was such joy on their faces and in their voices! It was that special joy that comes from the hearts of people who have prayed fervently and longed in their hearts for this time to come—and now it has! I was excited to see Evan’s new accomplishment that I had heard about! Then I went to the worship service, and there was Evan’s mama, singing, “If faith can move the mountains...

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